loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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