That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's shark week go big or go home
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
