He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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