idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
