I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
