if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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