There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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