Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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