meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
