I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
