I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize