I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
