Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
