On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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