ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
