that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
