The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
