I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
