I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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