Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think your dad took our porno
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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