She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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