I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
