Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
