New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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