All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize