If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
