i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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