i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
