If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
