Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
