i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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