i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
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