WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
