i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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