I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
