He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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