i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
