You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
