Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
