My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
