I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
