another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
