I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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