Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
