Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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