My sheets look like a crime scene.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
