Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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