I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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