First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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