My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
