she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
