i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
