Fuck appropriateness.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
