is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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