sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You can't motorboat a personality
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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