I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Only a mothe r could love this liver
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
