We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
