he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
