her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
