and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
