mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
