holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
