my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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