He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
