umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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