I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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