8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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