I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
