I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
